This is the follow-up to the London 2012 short story, based around the Sochi 2014 Winter Games. I decided that instead of focusing on the entire town, I would focus on one character in particular, Joe McCroft.
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There were more than a few raised eyebrows when it was announced that the 2014 Winter Olympic and Paralympic Games would be held in Sochi, Russia. As the event grew nearer there were even more concerns about the state of the athlete’s village, the security force and Putin’s new anti-gay law. These troubles were discussed all around the world but in a small village in England, none of these mattered. Because in Tweedbury, it was all about one man. ‘Jumping’ Joe McCroft.
You might remember ‘Jumping’ Joe from the 2012 Olympic Games where he captured the hearts of the nation when he won a Gold Medal. Despite his nickname, Joe competed in the archery event. It was a mix-up in a national newspaper which confused him with genuine long-jumper Greg Rutherford. Joe’s story is well documented: he finished the Games in fourth place but moved up to gold after it was revealed that the other competitors were taking performance-enhancing drugs. In all, seventeen archers were disqualified for doping which allowed Joe to take gold ahead of Marlon Zimbuke of Ethiopia, who only managed to hit the target once.
Since competing in the summer Games, Joe has made various TV appearances, such as: Celebrity Dogs Bake-Off, The Only Way is On Ice and Strictly No Talent. But soon after the TV appearances and the sponsorship deals grew sparse. Joe had the humiliation of going to the job-centre to ‘sign on’. As Joe explains, “It was a difficult time for me. The TV cameras went away; it was another four years till the next Olympics. I had to do something. I even thought about taking my medal to Cash for Gold.”
But Joe was inspired in the most unusual of places, in his Gran’s bungalow on a Sunday afternoon, watching ITV5. After an episode of Colombo, which had been repeated three times that day, came a showing of a movie Cool Runnings. Inspired by the Jamaican bobsleigh team of 1988, Joe rang his agent and pitched him an idea. Sochi 2014: Great Britain competes in the bobsleigh fronted by Tweedbury’s own ‘Jumping’ Joe McCroft.
His agent loved the idea and the pair got straight to work. Joe found that he was a great bobsleigher, even though there were no transferable skills from archery. He recruited ex-soap star Dean Gaffney as his partner and the pair soon began training. The two made it to the final qualifying stages but disaster stuck. Gaffney got distracted by a TV camera; he hadn’t seen one in such a long time and became fixated with it. Because of this understandable gaffe, Gaffney missed the bobsleigh and smashed onto the ice while the sleigh (with Joe inside) flew down the track.
The reduced weight of Gaffney not being in the sleigh meant that they managed to come within the qualifying time. However, the judge did state that because Gaffney was not in the sleigh he shouldn’t go to the Winter Olympics. But he allowed Joe to go through and represent Team GB in Sochi. Joe should have been disqualified but the judge stuck by his decision. The judge has since retired and moved to the Bahamas saying that he had an unexpected windfall.
With Sochi 2014 kicking off in just a few months, Joe had to find a partner quickly. Luckily Britain has a wealth of ex-TV stars willing to do anything to get back in front of the cameras. Out of the shortlist Joe’s agent created, Joe chose Brian Belo from ‘Big Brother’ over H from Steps and Keith Chegwin. Joe and Brian became a natural team and flew out early to Russia to practise (although Brian thought Sochi was in Wales).
On the 17th February, the residents of Tweedbury gathered in the village’s only pub, ‘The Lonely Owl’, to watch Joe and Brian compete on TV. All twenty-five residents were there, apart from old Mary the spinster and big George the obese. The residents had dusted off their Union Jack bunting from 2012 and cheered as Joe and Brian appeared on the screen for an interview before the event.
Joe looked nervous. He was shaking heavily, although that may have been because he was cold and used to competing in the summer Olympics. The fact he wore his old kit did not help. Meanwhile, Brian forgot which event he was taking part in. The reality TV regular thought he was competing in the curling; he had even brought along his own broom. Brian also mentioned how cold it was in Sochi… in Wales. And that he hadn’t seen many sheep.
It was soon time for the pair to compete in the two-man bob for Team GB. I say ‘soon’, they were actually 134th on the list so they had to wait a while. But when it was Team GB’s turn to bob, Joe and Brian took to the ice with the eyes of the world Tweedbury watching. They pushed and they pushed and they flew off the start line. It wasn’t long till they hit the bottom. (And they did actually ‘hit’ the bottom – Brian forgot to press the brakes. He said he got confused between the brake and the accelerator).
The time wasn’t good enough to get gold… or silver… or bronze or even anywhere in the top 50. But Joe was happy. He had achieved his goal of competing at the Winter Olympics. He had followed in the footsteps (or bobsleigh tracks) of the famous Jamaican team of 1988. And Joe could go back home a hero.
But he wasn’t. It turns out the people of Tweedbury are a very fickle bunch. As soon as they realised Joe wasn’t going to win a medal they turned over to watch a re-run of Pointless.
Image Credit: https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2689/4366706449_a169c8508f_z.jpg?zz=1
Oh No Bear 